Log in

02:19pm 03/02/2007
  I am... Confused and I feel a bit........  
     Read 9 - Post
01:43pm 01/02/2007
mood: confused
Though I am very reticent to admit it, I'm a bit confused.

I've been very on edge recently, I only feel really relaxed when I sit with you. I've never really given myself a chance to let things bother me. The last time I did I had just turned eleven. I'd just gotten my new body and I hadn't learned to use it well. I held my favorite doll in my hand, very slowly I wrapped my fingers around her... I crushed her in my hands. That was the first moment that told me I needed to improve, I needed to be the best. The next time I didn't let it get me down. The next time was however far harder. I went to the hospital after my cyberization to talk to the little boy who had survived as well. The doctors told me that he wouldn't undergo the process. When I met him he was folding a thousand paper cranes, to make a senbazuru. He only had use of one arm and all he did was fold, hoping that once he got to one thousand his wish would come true. When I tried to convince him that he should go through with the cyberization he posed one simple question to me. He asked if I could fold a paper crane with one hand. I tried... I tried my hardest, but whatever I did it didn't work. I told him that I'd return when I could... I've been folding paper cranes ever since. Yesterday I finished another thousand... Senbazuru, if you don't know, is one thousand paper cranes held together by strings. An old legend promises that who ever folds one thousand cranes will be granted a wish or will be healed. As I folded the creases in that last piece of paper I made my wish. I made the wish for someone else, I wished that I could help you heal and I want you to have this paper crane. Finding Kuze's memory of me in that shop brought this all back to me... I guess it's expected after finding something as surreal as your old body with senbazuru around the neck. Right now I have two pictures on my desk. Both remind me to continue on.

I've decided for my own sanity that I am going to use my vacation time. Roughly two months of rest. I know myself well enough to know that this may not last as long as I want it to, either something will come up or I will go completely stir crazy. I may take an actual vacation, though it will more likely be a few day trips. Does anyone have any recommendations? Spike do you want to come along? I think we could both use the break. Does anyone want to come along?


     Read 3 - Post
The colors I saw changed in your eyes...   
01:29am 31/01/2007
mood: calm
Before last night I'd look at the sunset and see the colors of a fire. Today it isn't different, I still see a fire. The fire isn't the same, this fire doesn't scare me, in fact it puts me at ease. Thank you for sharing it with me... I look forward to many more, just tell me when you are ready.

Also Happy Birthday Ed!
     Read 8 - Post
And when the sun rose I was still remembering you...   
03:11pm 29/01/2007
mood: calm
It's been so long since I've had any reason need a vacation but I've been working non-stop for the past week. I miss the days of jumping from rooftop to rooftop. I spent the day folding senbazuru. I do this subconsciously now. Kuze's death has made me think a lot. I've been thinking of leaving Section 9 recently, or at least taking a break.

I've never felt this much loss before. I learned to fold paper cranes because of him. In my life I've probably folded over a thousand... I wonder if Kuze ever finished? If he did what was his wish? I find myself wondering if he made it? Is his ghost somewhere on the net now? Is it even possible?

I will always remember the little boy in the hospital. I will always remember my first love.

((Sorry I've been gone, I've been really busy and with out internet... bad combo))
     Read 1 - Post
Last Night Another Soldier...   
04:52am 21/01/2007
mood: distressed
Last night...

Last night I led a team of soldiers. They were fresh. Just out of training. I knew we shouldn't have taken them along. I could have taken my team in and been out in and hour. No collateral damage. No extra lives taken. Instead I'm forced to take children into a hostile situation. I went in with a team of seven and left with four, the mission failed. Two of them charged into a room against my direct orders. One of them must have hit a trip wire. From down the hall I saw those colors... Reds and golds, yellows and oranges. The colors of the sunset... The Colors of that fire... The colors of a memory I've long repressed.

All that I can say I've learned from fighting is that if we all lived by an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Then all the world would be blind and toothless.

Last night at ten thirty I boarded an airplane for france. At eleven fifteen the plane took off. Fifteen hours and fifty five minutes later I will be in Paris. An hour after that I will arrive at the "mysterious" Lupin Manor. I'm looking forward to this vacation. After last night I need it. I've taken a week off from work; I think I will spend the time touring France. Any places you'd recommend Mister Lupin? Or would you care to join me and show me your homeland personally?

Within the month I need to set up a team for a covert mission anyone interested?


((I'll be late tonight... Midnightish maybe one.))

[((I'd really like to RP a mission with all of the covert operatives we have, I mean Mol, Brock, Lupin, Fujiko, Spike, etc... would be so amazingly humorous. Anyone else who'd like to tag along is invited too...)) ]
     Read 5 - Post
If I could only figure this out...   
02:20am 19/01/2007
mood: confused
I watched the sunset this evening... yet again it sparked something in the back of my mind.

I just woke up from a dream nightmare (the third this week). I can't quite grasp what the dream was but it feels like it's getting closer. I think talking to Hank today about being cyberized brought some things back. I'm determined to figure this out.
And then my peace was shattered...   
11:18pm 18/01/2007
mood: aggravated
Four twenty six this morning the perimiter alarm around my safe house went off. I rolled out of bed gun in hand and trudged outside. I went to the southeastern edge of the property reviewing the security footage as I ran... I've gotta give the little bastard credit. I never saw him. I know that he had to have been on the grounds for at least five minutes and thirty two seconds. When I got to the site of the security breech I found an old fasioned puzzle box. It didn't take me long to figure the box out, once I got it open I found a note. The coding was a good touch, obviously this Lupin does his research, he knew to use a more antiquated code. The note informed me that I have been invited on a treasure hunt. I looked up some old news feeds and hacked INTERPOL to find out about this man. I must say I'm impressed. He's managed to outsmart INTERPOL for quite a while, his "bumbling idiot" act seems just that... an act. I think I'll go, if anything it will be amusing.

Anyway, it's been rather quite since this mornings uproar. I took the rest of the morning to catch up on the Laughing Man case. I sent Batou some files and told him not to expect me in for a bit. I went to visit the girls and spent most of the day with them, I think I wore them out. I enjoy the girls company, and I like spending time with them. I just... I feel silly for it but I really miss having a man around. It has been far to long since I've been with anyone other than the girls. It's lucrative, and I do care about them... I don't know, I think I want more.

That's enough of this whistful bullshit. I'm going to get some beer and head to the Marina.

Oh and Hank you wouldn't like the food. Cyborgs have to eat a different type of food, it has no flavor.
     Read 15 - Post
I don't know why today made me think   
02:24am 18/01/2007
mood: contemplative
I woke up late today. It was an interesting experience I've been waking up early for far to long. I guess I've been working to hard lately, it's kind of relieving not to wake up to Old Ape Face screaming at me. I started my day out with a jog in the woods, it was great feeling the mid morning sun on my shoulders. I almost miss being able to get a sunburn. When I was a child, before the crash, I remember walking with my mother and father along the beach and running away from them, I waded out to the rocky outcropping and refused to come back to shore. I sat there for hours marveling at the fish and the other creatures that came up to me. When my father finally came out to get me I was as red as a poppy flower. I remember crying as he picked me up and took me back to shore, my skin was stinging like I had been slapped... Why now after all these years should that come back to me as a fond memory.

Anyway... Enough musing. I went to the city and thought about visiting the girls, I know they miss me sometimes. I actually think that I'm getting attached and it's not just about making money off of the e sex. Shit. I didn't visit them though, I went to the marina instead and took the boat out. I went diving for the first time in a long while. Batou would surely disapprove, he always thinks I'm going to sink and get stuck on the bottom of the ocean. I stayed out until the nightfall and watched the sunset, the reds and oranges reminded me of something far in the back of mind... I can't quite recall it yet. I docked the boat and decided to wander around town for a bit. I ended up at the mall and figured it was time to add to my music collection, I picked up a few CDs by that metal band everyone has been talking about. (I find the claim that they make everything metal to be a bit humorous as I'm already metal) I really like them, they have a gritty, hate the world, lets get together and fuck shit up type of sound... I'm thinking about going to the next concert.
     Read 21 - Post